END SERIES

"I. .truly. . .loved you all. . .so much. . ."

Episode: Sawa
Chapter 9: Garden of Death

. . .I had thought I went unconscious upon our fall from the hilltop; but, I was wide awake, and my body hardly ached from the plummet. The blizzardous Iwasuma is to thank for that — and yet, a profound sense of emptiness is overwhelming me. I can't move, not even to check if Touko Sugihara is still alive or not. I'm simply resting in place, arms tucked to my sides, legs sprawled forth. . .. . .and beside me, I see my fireaxe. It's unmoving at my legs, and a flicker of blood sparkling against its dull edge reminds me that my murder attempt is still in progress. . .that the world will not stop moving, even if I will it to. My body flings upright to face Touko, who is sprawled out on the ground. . .only, her body is nearly halved by the connection my axe made with her torso.I can't even call this a laceration. This is. . .what a dismemberment would be, yes, if it weren't for the other half of flesh still connected to the upper half of her body. A glimpse of even the brownish-hue of her blood-covered organs results in a bout of nausea overwhelming me, as if I hadn't been fighting creatures of the same sight this entire time.Maybe. . .maybe it's because. . .of who this is. The spirit, lying on the ground, barely clinging to life. I cannot conceptualize whether or not this is reality, and whether or not that Touko Sugihara is close to her death. I bring my squinted stare to her face — and, even my blurred vision, can detect the movement of her lips attempting to whisper something futile.—— "I. .truly. . .loved you all. . .so much. . ." Her words are thick with pauses, unable to utter much longer. ". . .Kozue. . .Renge. . .Yu. .ma. . . .you. . .a-and. . .Y. .Yui. . . . . .I. . ."My eyes shoot wide open. All of us. . .she. .loved all of us?—— "I. . .I t-tried. . .to. . . . .h-help. . .thi. .s. . . . . .wor. .l. .d. . . .". . .No. No. No, you didn't. You did none of that. My head visibly shakes back and forth as Touko Sugihara tries to mumble her final words; but, they only serve to fuel my insanity further. The murderer I have become is truly the only thing that my name belongs to anymore. There is nothing else for Sawa Taigyoku, there is nothing else for Ning Dai-Yu. There is nothing else I can do.Touko is still mumbling. I impede whatever she's trying to say, whether a plead or an apology. "You. . .it's you. It's. . .you. . .You’re trying to make me feel bad? If you weren’t alive, none of this would have happened." The words flow out of me, without pause and without relent. "If you were never born, we would all be fine. If you were never born, Kozue and her lover would be here."My teeth grit. "If you were never born, Yuma would be here!" I realize that I am succumbing to that one unfamiliar emotion again — and somehow, it's starting to feel comforting. A warmth drawing along my face hugs me from the cold, despite my insides burning with fury."If you were never born, Ayame would be here! If you were never born, Renge would be fine! SHE’D BE HAPPY!"I cannot stop where I am headed. I grab hold of my axe once more, and fling it down to swing the air of finality upon the hanging threads of flesh connecting Touko Sugihara's body together. It halves itself, entirely; and yet, my axe does not stop. I am screaming. The words are incoherent. I know them well."IF YOU WERE NEVER BORN, MY MOM WOULD BE ALIVE!" I am crying. "MY MOM!" I have lost it. "MY MOM WOULD BE ALIVE!" I am a killing machine. "YOU KILLED HER!" I have become what I knew I would be. "YOU KILLED ALL OF THEM——!!!!". . .